


Fix You, Baby

by maybegasoline



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Sixth year AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-16
Updated: 2012-05-16
Packaged: 2017-11-05 11:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybegasoline/pseuds/maybegasoline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixth year AU. This is what I think should have happened instead of that horrid bathroom scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix You, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> For my friend Grace.

Harry couldn't sleep.

He could hear Ron's soft snores from the bed next to his, and Neville whimpered in his sleep before sheets rustled, implying he had turned over. It was nearing two o' clock in the morning, and for the third night in a row, Harry found himself bright awake in his bed, safely hidden from his friends behind the curtain. The thoughts wouldn't stop racing in his head, and he just wanted to get some rest, for once. He didn't want to think about Sirius, or worry about Voldemort, or obsess over whatever Draco Malfoy could be up to anymore; he just wanted to sleep.

Obsess over Draco Malfoy, right. Draco was actually, completely unknowingly, the sole reason Harry had stayed awake tonight, and the night before that, and the night before that. Terrible things had started happening at Hogwarts; just last week Katie Bell had gotten severly ill due to a cursed necklace given to her by someone in Three Broomsticks, and Harry (though secretly he didn't want to believe himself) suspected Draco to be behind it. He didn't have any proof, just a weird feeling in his stomach, but truthfully, he was scared for Draco. He knew there was something wrong with the Slytherin; he had been looking pale and tired ever since they got back to Hogwarts after the summer, and he rarely spoke anymore. What's more was that he had a habit of disappearing into thin air; sometimes, when Harry studied the Marauder's Map in lack of something better to do, Draco's little dot just wasn't anywhere on it. So naturally, Harry had grown worried (purely about the rest of the school and what Draco might be up to, of course; it's not like he ever worried about _Draco_ ) and it had become less of a habit and more of a need to constantly watch for Draco on the map, whenever Harry had some time over.

(Harry wasn't sure when he had started calling him _Draco_ in his mind, but he guessed he had just got older, more mature and learned to put their differencies aside. He didn't like to dwell on the subject, fearing what he might reveal to himself.)

While Harry had previously only kept his Map with him during the days and afternoons, he had begun to realize that Draco needed monitoring during nighttime as well. This revelation came to him after he woke up late at night with a queasy feeling in his stomach, and had reached blindly for the Map in order to quench his worries. However, when he scanned the Slytherin dorms and didn't find Draco anywhere in there, suddenly all thoughts of sleep had completely disappeared from his mind. He had found Draco sitting alone in the Astronomy Tower after several minutes of frantic searching, and he had stayed awake all night just to see if Draco would move, if he would do anything. Time flew by fast, and before Harry knew it morning had come, and he spotted Draco at the Slytherin table later at breakfast, looking tired and bored and a little sad, and it had drawn Harry in immediately.

Naturally, Harry had stayed up the next night as well, just watching Draco's little dot tremble on the Map, and the morning after in Potions, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of Draco. He hadn't been paying attention to the potion he was brewing, and thus failed his assignment for the first time that year. Slughorn had laughed heartily and given him an Acceptable anyway, "as a reward for the attempt!" though Harry didn't understand why. (Draco had only raised an eyebrow at him when his cauldron exploded.)

This night, Harry didn't know what to do with himself. Watching Draco tremble and shiver was torture; he wanted to help, and he wanted something to happen already. Though he didn't quite know what he was waiting for. Was Draco asleep, Harry wondered? Or was he planning something, escaping the nosy stares of his fellow Slytherins? Draco hadn't moved since he came there at midnight (Harry had watched his tiny dot slowly move from the Slytherin dungeons up to the tower a few minutes before the hour struck), and Harry was beginning to lose his patience.

Which was why a few minutes later, somehow he found himself climbing the stairs up to the Tower under his Invisibility Cloak, clutching the Map tightly in his hand, so he would be forewarned in case Draco should leave.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he took of the Cloak and peered into the open room through the door, almost afraid of what he might see in there. However his fear was unjustified; what he found was merely Draco sitting on a window sill, back turned towards Harry, looking out over the Forbidden Forest and the night sky. His shoulders were trembling, with cold or with tears Harry didn't know, and his golden hair gleamed in the moonlight (and Harry's breath hitched in his throat as he realized perhaps just _why_ he had been so infatuated with Draco of late).

Draco turned, startled at the sudden noise, frantically wiping at his cheeks when he saw Harry standing in the shadows. (' _Oh_ ,' Harry thought with a stab hitting his heart, ' _tears_.') Draco struggled to regain his composure, and with a cold sneer spoke.

"Potter."

"I couldn't sleep," Harry explained, and he thought Draco probably could see that that was only half the truth. 

Draco raised a chilly eyebrow, but surprised Harry by saying, "That makes us two," with a soft shrug, and Harry marvelled at this new sense of almost friendship (or at least decency) between them.

”Are you alright?” he asked tentatively, taking a small step closer, because he was genuinely worried, despite Draco's cold facade.

“As if you’d care,” Draco scoffed coldly and turned his back at Harry, who only sighed and went over to sit next to him on the window sill.

“I’m just going to sit here then,” Harry said softly, gazing out over the Forest far beneath them. The stars twinkled slowly and the moon shone over everything, casting a ghastly glow over the lake and the Quidditch field. Harry sat in silence, listening to Draco’s soft breathing, and he didn’t mind at all that this was how he was spending the night. Draco’s presence was oddly comforting and Harry gladly sat there.

”The Dark Lord,” Draco suddenly spoke up, and Harry twisted his head quickly to look at him, “wants me to take the Dark Mark.” 

Harry froze, and Draco continued to watch the night outside, not noticing Harry staring at him. And Harry couldn’t stop looking; Draco looked beautiful. The moonlight made his silvery blonde hair almost sparkle and shine, and his fair complexion shimmered in the dull light.

“My father is over the moon,” Draco continued wistfully. “He thinks it’s finally time for me to do something right, to bring some glory to the Malfoy name again.”

“And you?” Harry had to ask, though he feared the answer. “Do you feel the same?”

Draco sighed, and Harry wanted nothing more than to comfort him. The feeling was new and strange, but not entirely unwelcome.

“I don’t,” said Draco to Harry’s surprise, and his left hand twitched slightly, as if imagining the pain of being Marked. Harry oh so desperately wanted to grab it in his own, but hadn’t the guts. 

“I’m terrified,” Draco continued quietly, and his voice was shaking. Harry said nothing, because what was he supposed to say? They sat silently in the darkness next to each other, and Harry felt Draco’s shoulders quiver with held back sobs and he didn’t know what to do.

“I’ve never really believed in all that shit, you know,” Draco admitted after a while, and Harry could hear the tears choking the Slytherin. “I’ve never thought Mudbloods are scum, not really. I don’t think they deserve to be dead, I don’t think pure-bloods are better wizards just because of their ancestry, I mean, look at Granger, she if anyone is a perfectly talented witch, and we need more of her kind. I really do think so, I've realized that's how it is, I’ve just been brought up wrong.”

Harry let out a held in breath in surprise, because he had really always thought that Draco was a lost cause, too concieted with his family’s views on who mattered and who didn’t. Draco’s hand lay warm on the window sill, resting between them, and Harry wanted to hold it, so desperate was he suddenly for Draco‘s touch. His own hand trembled at the thought and he watched Draco in awe, completely blown away by the entire situation.

“Draco,” he began softly, but didn’t know how to continue. Draco’s head snapped around to face him sharply at the sound of his given name, and their eyes locked for the first time that evening. And for a change their eyes were warm with compassion and contentment, so completely unlike their usual hateful glares.

“Harry,” said Draco, and they could both hear how different their names sounded spoken with such softness, and they felt it was monumental. “I’m not a murderer. I can’t be a Death Eater. I don’t believe in them, I don’t worship the Dark Lord, I was just born on the wrong side in the beginning and I‘ve always known. I wish I could be more like you, be less of a coward, but the truth is I don’t know how to break free, because they scare me to death. They’ll kill me if I stand up against them, Harry.”

And Harry didn’t know what to do, what to say, but he shifted an inch closer and brushed his fingers over Draco’s left arm, willing it to seem like an accident, though Draco couldn’t be fooled.

“I thought you were on their side,” Harry said in wonder, and Draco shook his head.

“I’ve never been. I’ve always wanted to stand by your side, always wanted to escape from the madness of the pure-blooded mind, but I couldn’t. You wouldn’t have me,” he trailed off, looking away out into the stars again, and Harry didn’t understand. 

“What do you mean?” he asked softly, leaning in closer to the blonde, and Draco almost shivered when Harry’s breath his the side of his face.

“Ever since I met you,” Draco said tentatively, tears glowing in the moonlight, “I’ve known what I’m missing.”

Harry placed his thumb softly on Draco’s cheek, gently wiping away a tear, and Draco looked down at his trembling hands with a soft blush staining his pale cheeks.

“And what are you missing?” Harry whispered, completely in awe that he had been so wrong about Draco.

“You,” Draco said simply, voice quivering with tears, and Harry’s heart skipped a beat. “You showed me that everything isn’t black and white, and that my father is wrong. You made me question everything I’d been brought up to believe, and for that you were my everything. I wanted nothing more than be your companion, I wanted to be the one you chose, I wanted you to teach me everything that was right…. But you didn’t want to. I offered you my hand and you didn’t take it. And from that moment on all I wanted was for you to see me. I wanted what little of your attention I could get, and I made you hate me more and more for each day and it made me hate myself as well. And now…” he trailed off, looking out over the Dark Forest again, “… and now I’ve come to the end, and my desire to be seen has turned me into something I never wanted to be, and soon it will be stamped on me for everyone to see.” Draco glanced briefly down at his left arm with desperate despair, and Harry felt so bad for him it was unbearable. 

“I can’t turn back,” Draco whispered, and Harry grabbed his arm tightly. Startled by the sudden touch Draco looked back at Harry with wide eyes, but the hold Harry had on him was not unpleasant.

“Yes,” said Harry, “you can turn back, I’ll help you, I’ll protect you.” 

His words rung in the room, taking them both by surprise. They were both shook by the sudden compassion between them and though Draco wished he never said anything he felt the warmth of Harry’s hand and it didn’t feel wrong.

“You can’t,” Draco objected, because he doubted that Harry would ever want him near. “You wouldn’t. You’ve made it pretty clear that you hate my guts, and I bet you’d love to see me burn and fall,” he spat venomously, though Harry wasn’t the one he was mad at.

Harry’s breath hitched in his throat as he listened to Draco and realized that he was completely wrong, and softly he stroke his hand over the spot on Draco’s arm where he imagined the mark would soon be if Voldemort had his way. They sat in silence and let Draco’s soft sobs be the only sound echoing through the Astronomy Tower, and Harry had so much to say but so little guts.

“The reason,” he said finally, cringing at the sound of his voice, “I didn’t take your hand when you offered it…” he trailed off, willing his eyes away from Draco’s beauty and out over the Forest far beneath them instead, because he didn’t dare to see Draco’s reaction to his words, “… was because I was afraid that I would never let go.” 

And there it was, out in the open, and Harry had never been more terrified. He felt Draco’s stare burning into the side of his head, but he daren’t turn his head to meet Draco’s eye. He slid his hand down Draco’s arm to let him go, but Draco grabbed his hand before he had a chance to pull it away.

“Draco…” Harry protested sadly, but Draco’s fingers intertwined with his and it was nothing like he thought it would be.

“Don’t,” said Draco quietly, and Harry could hear all that was hidden behind the word, and when Harry finally turned back to meet Draco’s eyes they were soft and warm. 

When their lips met, their eyes slid closed in contentment and it was everything they wanted it to be. Draco’s hand slid up to Harry’s hair, fingers curling into the dark strands in the back of his neck, and with a soft moan Harry inched closer and slipped an arm around Draco’s waist.

And Harry had never felt like this before, had never kissed anyone and loved every second of it. This was a first, and the butterflies raging in his stomach and the warmth in his heart were not unpleasant, and with a sigh he let Draco feel he smiled in delight and just let himself fall into Draco’s embrace. Neither of them thought it weird that for just an hour ago they were arch enemies, because they had both felt this way for a long time and the love they suddenly shared was organic. 

Draco slid a hand up Harry's chest, resting it straight over his heart. He smiled when he felt the heartbeat speed up under his palm, and for once he actually felt safe. But when he heard a soft, breathy whisper of "Draco" as Harry's hands slowly started to slide up his back, underneath the hem of his shirt, Draco got thrust back into reality, and even though he really didn't want anything to end, he felt forced to pull away.

"Wait, Harry," he said, twisting his head to the side so Harry's lips couldn't reach him. But Harry just hummed and attached his lips to Draco's neck instead, sucking hard to leave a bruise. Draco almost wanted to cry because of how good it felt, and because he knew he couldn't let it continue. "Potter," he forced himself to protest sternly, leaning back, away from Harry, and Harry pulled his head back abruptly when he heard the serious tone in Draco's voice, blinking in confusion.

"What's wrong, Draco?" he asked worriedly, lifting a hand to softly stroke Draco's cheek.

"Do you know what you're doing, Harry?" Draco said quietly, looking down at his feet to avoid meeting Harry's eye. He sighed, "You hate me."

Harry smiled sadly, wrapping his arms tight around him again to pull Draco close. "I don't go around kissing people I hate, do I?" he said with a quirk of his eyebrow, but Draco wouldn't listen.

"If someone has slipped you a love potion or something I really should go, I don't want to take advantage of you like this, I could never look you in the eye again. Are you sure you haven't eaten or drunk anything weird lately?" Draco rambled in a hurry, embarrassed. "Oh God, or have you lost a bet? Or been dared? Or someone might have put a spell on you, Merlin's _beard_ ," he slapped a hand to his forehead, cringing, "I'm so stupid, why did I even say anything to you, I can't believe this -"

Harry interrupted him, frowning in bemusement. "Draco," he said, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his lips, "what on Earth would make you think I'm under a spell?"

Draco raised an eyebrow at him coldly. "Well, for starters, _I'm_ Draco Malfoy. Son of a Death Eater, next in line for getting Marked by the Dark Lord himself, forced to murder Albus Dumbledore or watch everyone I love die - and judging by your lack of surprise I assume you already knew that's what he wants me to do. Not to mention I've been a bitch and an asshole and made your life a living hell ever since you first got here. I'm scum, _vermin_. While _you_ are Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, Savior of the Wizarding World, soon-to-be defeater of the Dark Lord, a symbol for every fucking thing that is good in this world. You're perfect, beautiful, a hero, the Golden Boy." He paused, looking briefly away from Harry's piercing eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was weak. "I'd be a fool for thinking you would go for someone like me."

Harry heaved a sigh at Draco's stubbornness. "I'm none of those things," he said, "and you haven't chosen to be what you are either. Those names and titles and responsibilities don't matter; I see you for who you are, Draco. And you are this perfect, gorgeous, sweet, lovable, hurt and scared little boy who hasn't been very lucky in life, nor have people been very nice to you, and none of that is your fault."

Draco shook his head, but still wouldn't look Harry in the eye, and Harry just flashed a tiny smile and kissed Draco's forehead timidly.

"I _chose_ to come here tonight, Draco," he explained quietly, "and I chose to comfort you. I chose to hold you in my arms, and now I choose to refuse to let you go. Forget about the spells and the love potions; I'm only here because I want to be."

Draco sighed, trying to stay clearheaded, but being so close to Harry made it difficult to think clearly. He felt dizzy, intoxicated. "But the war, Harry," he protested with a sad shake of his head. "I can't break free, no matter how much I would want to, and you definitely can't be seen with a Death Eater. Are we crazy here?"

"You don't have to be a Death Eater, Draco," Harry murmured, resting his forehead against Draco's. "You can help the Order, you can stay with me."

Draco shook his head slowly, and Harry saw tears rise in his grey eyes. "You can't save everyone, Harry," Draco whispered sadly, moving to walk away, and Harry immediately tightened his grip around Draco's waist to prevent him from going.

"No, Draco, but I have room to save you."

Draco stopped struggling, and settled in Harry's warm embrace. After all, he had never felt safe before in his entire life, until Harry held him. He took a deep breath, burying his head in Harry's neck to hide from the world, and he never wanted to leave. 

"How could you, though?" he said. "I'm trapped. As long as I bear the Malfoy name I am forced to stay chained within the Dark Arts, and if Father and his master have their way, soon those chains will be permanently burnt into my flesh, so that everybody can see what scum I am."

His left hand tightened into a fist on Harry's chest as if in pain, clutching his shirt tightly in fear that he would somehow disappear. Harry stroked his hair softly, not knowing what to say.

"Don't worry, it'll be all right," he said soothingly, knowing that whatever came their way, he would never let a single thing hurt Draco ever again. "You don't have to be a Death Eater, I'll find a way, I promise. You don't have to take the Mark."

Draco peppered Harry's neck with butterfly kisses, breathing in the scent of his messy raven hair. Being with Harry felt so easy, like he didn't need to worry about the Death Eaters or his fate or the horrible mission Voldemort expected him to do; all that existed was him, Harry and the night sky, and he wished they could stay in the tower forever, never having to face the real world again. The fact that this was the first and last time he would ever get to meet Harry like this (because it would be too dangerous to ever keep this kind of facade up for the rest of the world) just killed him, and he started mentally preparing for the moment they would have to part.

"It's going to be so hard the rest of this year, pretending like this never happened," Draco sighed, and Harry raised his eyebrows. "Pretending like you're not everything I've ever wished for."

"Why would you need to do that?" he asked in earnest confusion, wiping away a stray tear from Draco's cheek with his finger.

Draco swallowed the lump in his throat, and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse. "Assuming you would actually want to spend more time with me - which I know you probably don't - it pains me to say that we can't. You can have me for tonight only, right here where we are, but it's too dangerous for you to ever be close to me and I'll only put you at that risk once. The Dark Lord is monitoring me closely - as you know, I'm supposed to be Dumbledore's assassin - and if I don't succeed at my task everyone around me will be at risk. I can't put you at such danger, I couldn't live with myself." He pressed frantic, apologetic kisses against every sliver of bare skin he could see, and Harry managed to get out a strained laugh.

"Draco, you know that's bullshit," he said with a smile that was supposed to look confident and secure, but didn't quite reach the goal. "I've lived all my life on a death sentence by Voldemort, and you think _this_ is going to scare me?"

"Well," said Draco, "be that as it is, but you're already in such danger and I really don't want to add to it. Don't get me wrong," he smiled sadly, "you're brave and courageous and fierce and strong and incredible, and you've overcome so much; I'm not belittling that, not at all. But _this_ on top of everything you're forced to go through? I couldn't do that to you, Harry, I couldn't."

Harry shook his head. "But Draco, now that I finally have you in my arms... You leaving me would be more heartbreaking and painful than any of the dangers I've endured and have yet to face."

"I'm not leaving you, I wouldn't ever leave you," Draco protested, pressing an urgent kiss against Harry's lips as if to prove his point, "I'm just offering you a way out."

"I don't want a way out, Draco," Harry said softly and drew his arms tighter around Draco, brushing a hand through his golden hair. "Not when it comes to you. I've lost so much, and I don't need any more of the people I love to disappear. Please, Draco?" he pleaded, but it was to deaf ears, as Draco had frozen in his arms at his words.

"Wait," Draco said slowly, pulling away slightly to meet Harry's eye. "You _love_ me?"

And for the first time that evening, a pink blush started to stain Harry's cheeks. "Well," he said with an unsure smile, "I do, yes."

There was silence, and the smile that slowly spread over Draco's face was blinding, and it felt to them both as if the temperature in the room had increased by several degrees. A heavy blush flushed pink over Draco's face as well, and he was the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen.

"... No one has ever said that to me before," Draco said through a bright smile, and Harry matched that smile with a grin of his own. "And I've never told anyone I love them before either... actually, I don't think I've ever _loved_ anyone before - my parents aren't exactly the loving kind, and while I guess I am fond of my mother I've never really known love..." He trailed off, smiling at Harry's confused, unsure expression. "That is, until I met you."

Harry quirked an eyebrow at him, but it was with a blinding smile. "Really? How long?"

Draco didn't even have to stop and think. "I think it started the first time we met, at Madam Malkin's. And then throughout the entire first year it just grew. Of course, I didn't know that it was love back then, but over time I learned how that's what it was." He rested his forehead against Harry's and closed his eyes when he spoke, "I've always wanted to be close to you, I've always wanted you to see me," and Harry captured his lips in a searing kiss that melted Draco from the inside out.

"Believe me," Harry whispered against Draco's warm lips, "I've always seen you."

**The End.**


End file.
